From Burnt Out to Breaking Free
My emotional resilience origin story
8 years ago, I was a burnt-out community mental health case manager living in a state of constant fight-or-flight.
I was woken up by crisis calls at 2 am.
I saw people hurt themselves.
I had nearly every bodily fluid in my car.
I became an expert in Emergency Department waiting.
A client I loved died.
All while being pressured to get more billable hours.
On one particularly high-pressure day, I had a meeting with my supervisor. I started venting about how overwhelmed I was. He gave me a confused look and asked me a question I will never forget, “Do you get stressed out easily?”
A wave of hot, self-protecting anger rushed from my gut to my face. I made an inner commitment to never be vulnerable with him again. That was a genuinely invalidating, gaslighting judgment, which he disguised as a question.
And…it took me a few years to notice the shame behind that anger. And then it took me a few more to realize that I felt ashamed because the answer to his question is, “yes.”
I do get overwhelmed easily when there are competing demands. I get sensory overload faster than most people. I hate feeling rushed. Sudden changes in plans throw me for a loop.
I have a sensitive nervous system
Once I accepted that fact, I could start to own the strengths that come from being a sensitive soul. I am highly attuned to my environment. I’m intuitive and perceptive of others. I’m reflective and I process information deeply. These superpowers helped me succeed at my job. I was an excellent case manager and helped my clients achieve beautiful outcomes.
How wonderful, right? Well… I’m not just highly sensitive. I’m also driven and ambitious as hell (hey there fellow firstborn daughters!). That combination paired with a total lack of skills to regulate my nervous system or experience emotion skillfully led to burnout and secondary traumatic stress.
I was irritable and impatient.
I was jumpy and on edge.
Holding still for a few minutes felt like a threat.
I woke up thinking about my clients’ problems at 4 am (even when I wasn’t on call).
But, Becca, you were a clinically trained case manager with a master’s degree—didn’t you learn skills to cope in school? No. Well, you worked for a community mental health agency, you must have learned how to manage this work in training. Fellow community mental health veterans are cackling. NO.
I came across the skills I needed serendipitously. In a search to help my clients who were often overwhelmed by emotions, I learned skills that would change my life. I knew I had come across something big.
They say you teach what you most need to learn
Soon, the 2 hours per week that I led these skills groups teaching mindfulness, nervous system regulation, radical acceptance, and emotional resilience became a respite for my fried nervous system. I got to learn essential skills for managing the human experience alongside my group members.
I learned how to—
Hack my nervous system so that I could relax in moments of distress and overwhelm
Be present without judgment or attachment
Let go of the “shoulds” & deal with life on life’s terms
Understand and respect what emotions are communicating to me
Turn down the volume on my inner critic
Experience emotions skillfully so I can be a feeler AND stay effective
Prevent all-consuming emotions & bounce back easier
A way forward
If these skills had only helped me survive the chaos of community mental health, that would have been enough. But they’ve also given me a roadmap for how to accept myself and live more authentically. They’ve taught me that I am only ever one perspective shift away from being unstuck. And they’ve shown me how to build a fulfilling life.
As a result, I’m now in a leadership role earning 3x as much as my community mental health salary while building this business.
I have time, space, and energy to dream & create. Let me tell you, that was not a given before. Living in survival mode will tunnel your vision like nothing else.
Of course, I still struggle. Life continues to happen. I continue to be challenged and I continue to learn and grow. The difference is, I now have this foundation that gives me the confidence that I can handle any situation without being consumed by emotions.
I turned my sensitivity into my biggest advantage
And now I have the joy and privilege of helping others do the same on my own terms.
I’m on a mission to help big-feeling high achievers transform their lives and the world without emotional overwhelm.
Please stick around as I share skills, strategies, perspective shifts, and general musings for life as a highly sensitive ambitious type.
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